“We’re officially back!” Kid Rock proclaimed in a video on social media, grinning from beneath his iconic fedora. “This is the kind of tour that celebrates America the way we remember it.” Shelton joined in, saying, “It’s about time we had a show that doesn’t worry about being ‘politically correct.’ This one’s for the fans who don’t want to tiptoe around the fun.”

While many concert tours today come with hashtags about activism and inclusivity, Kid Rock and Blake Shelton are going in a different direction. Promising a tour free from “woke agendas” and “canceled culture,” the two stars are making it clear that they’re embracing a more traditional approach, with a focus on freedom, fun, and faith.

“Look, we love our country and we’re tired of feeling like we can’t say that,” Kid Rock told fans. “This isn’t about dividing people—it’s about bringing people together over music that doesn’t apologize.” Shelton added, “People are sick of feeling judged for having a beer or waving the American flag. We’re here to say, ‘Let’s have a good time and remember what we love about this country.’”

According to tour organizers, audiences can expect a mix of rock, country, and a little “old-school patriotism,” with giant American flags and classic red, white, and blue lighting setups. Merchandise will include T-shirts emblazoned with phrases like “Non-Woke and Proud” and “We the People.”

In a move that’s sure to add to the buzz, Kid Rock and Blake Shelton announced that the tour will only take place in states that “stand by traditional American values,” meaning you won’t find them performing in places like California or New York anytime soon. Dubbed the “Red States Tour,” the concert will visit cities in Texas, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, and other Republican strongholds where their brand of non-woke entertainment is likely to be celebrated.

“We want to play where we know people will appreciate this,” Shelton said in the announcement. “We love our fans everywhere, but this tour is about connecting with the heart of America. We’re keeping it simple, real, and unfiltered.”

The announcement has sent social media into a frenzy, with responses from both ends of the spectrum. On conservative Twitter and Facebook circles, the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive, with fans hailing the two stars for “standing up to the PC police.” “Finally, some entertainers with backbone,” tweeted one fan from Texas. “Can’t wait to see the show! Shelton and Kid Rock, thank you for being true Americans.”

Conversely, others have been quick to call the tour divisive, accusing Kid Rock and Shelton of alienating fans who don’t align with their political views. “This is just pandering to one side and adding fuel to the fire,” posted one critic. “Music should be about bringing people together, not creating more division.”

But Kid Rock and Shelton seem unfazed by the backlash. In a follow-up post, Kid Rock wrote, “If you don’t like it, don’t buy a ticket. We’re not here to please everyone, and that’s exactly the point.”

While critics argue that the tour is politically charged, Shelton insists that it’s less about politics and more about celebrating values that he believes have been overshadowed. “This tour isn’t about politics—it’s about freedom, family, and fun,” Shelton told fans. “We just want to play music and have a good time without feeling like we have to censor ourselves.”

Shelton has a reputation as a down-to-earth, relatable star, and he’s been open about wanting to keep things simple and fun. “Honestly, we’re just guys who love our country and our music,” Shelton added. “People are craving authenticity, and we’re excited to give them that.”

Kid Rock has long been a polarizing figure, known for his outspoken views and refusal to conform to mainstream norms. For him, this tour is about giving fans permission to express themselves however they want. “This is the tour where you bring your beer, your flag, and your voice,” he said. “We’re here for the people who feel like they don’t have a place anymore in entertainment.”

The “Non-Woke Red States Tour” is the perfect extension of Kid Rock’s brand of rebellious patriotism. His songs have long touched on themes of pride, grit, and Americana, making him an ideal partner for Shelton in this venture. “We’re just tired of the cancel culture nonsense,” he told his followers. “We’re doing this our way.”

Since the announcement, ticket sales in red states have skyrocketed, with fans clamoring for a chance to see the unapologetically patriotic duo live. In Texas alone, ticket sales for the initial dates sold out in hours, prompting organizers to add extra shows to keep up with demand.

One promoter in Alabama shared his excitement: “People have been calling nonstop since the news broke. It’s clear there’s a huge demand for this kind of show. They’re filling a gap that’s been missing in entertainment for a long time.”

For some in the music industry, Kid Rock and Blake Shelton’s tour is seen as a “wake-up call” for a business that has largely leaned into social activism in recent years. The “Non-Woke Red States Tour” is drawing attention to a market of fans who feel ignored or even alienated by the current trends in entertainment.

A music industry analyst commented, “This tour is bringing back a brand of music that doesn’t cater to trends or politics—it’s just about freedom of expression and having a good time. It’s a smart move for Shelton and Kid Rock, and they’re showing there’s a market for this.”

The tour’s organizers are reportedly already discussing potential merchandise expansions, live album recordings, and possibly a DVD release to meet demand.

As Kid Rock and Shelton prepare to take the stage, some fans are suggesting that this tour is more than just a series of concerts—it’s the beginning of a movement. “This is about more than just music,” said a fan in Florida. “It’s about giving people a voice who feel left out by the current culture. It’s like a movement for the non-woke.”

Shelton and Kid Rock are leaning into that sentiment, encouraging fans to bring their patriotism and celebrate American values unapologetically. “This tour is for everyone who’s felt like they couldn’t say what they believe,” Shelton said. “We’re here to remind people that it’s okay to be proud of who you are and what you believe in.”

As the “Non-Woke Red States Tour” kicks off, Kid Rock and Blake Shelton are sending a clear message to fans and critics alike: they’re here to celebrate American values without compromise, and they’re doing it on their terms.

The duo’s choice to focus solely on red states is already setting the stage for one of the year’s most talked-about tours, and if early ticket sales are any indication, they’re about to pack arenas across conservative America.

“We’re back,” Kid Rock said with a grin in the tour’s announcement video. “And we’re just getting started.” For their fans, that’s music to their ears. For their critics, it’s another dose of the unapologetic patriotism that has made both stars famous.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.